Offering Hope and Encouragement in the Midst of Sorrow

I remember sitting in church smiling and thinking that I had so much in my life. My husband and I had been married for almost 11 years, together almost 16 and very much in love. We ran our own successful home based business which allowed us to be together with our child. Not using daycare was important to us. We had wanted a baby for so long and now we had our precious little girl. She gave us such joy from the moment she was born. Life was comfortable and I was so happy I reached over and squeezed my husband’s hand. He smiled back with such love. We had just purchased our home and planned another child soon. Our home was surrounded by pine trees. We were clearing out the dead ones to make it safer from fire danger; there had just been a large one that caused days of evacuation so we were worried. In an effort to make it easier we bought an old farm truck with a hoist to haul brush and limbs. My nightmare started only a couple weeks later on the day my husband was to bring the truck home from a friend/mechanics home. He was late so we called. Since there was no answer I thought he must be on the way home and there is no cell service. My little girl, then 3, and I went outside to wait for him. Instead, the Sheriff, state patrol and pastor showed up to see us. Life changed – I couldn’t stand or talk. He had somehow been crushed between the box and hoist of the truck. He was there alone so there are no definite answers on the how. It didn’t matter to me; it did not change the outcome. It was determined the cause of death was blunt force trauma to the neck. The following days were like a bad dream. I should be picking out baby things not caskets and plots. I absolutely hated being called a widow; that was for old people I was 36. I have been angry at myself and been through many “what ifs.” It has been a long journey filled with sleepless, teary nights answering questions to a sobbing child. We were not only husband and wife but business partners which has caused additional changes and stress. The journey will never end until we are all in Heaven again but slowly I have realized there is more for me to do here. I still continue to praise God in this storm and let Him hold me up.